simperior edge

[Rochelle Bos]

I hope that anyone who thinks I’ve bullied them will accept my apology. If you ever meet me you’ll know I don’t have a mean bone in my body, competitive YES, mean no.

My ADHD brain often lets me say things before thinking them through fully, or considering how the recipient might feel. Especially as the day goes on and my meds wear off. Like the time I told my Mom about how otters do unmentionable things to baby seals...otters are her favourite animal, she was devastated. I literally think about that brain fart moment all the time and it’s been like 10 years

I’ve also been known to be accidentally too brutally honest, because again regular lack of brain filter.

These sound like excuses, but it’s actually just the result of my disability. I would never intentionally cause harm to, or upset someone on purpose. I am extremely empathetic and have tears in my eyes at the thought of hurting someone, ESPECIALLY unintentionally, because I have been there and would never want to inflict that on someone else. Not. Ever.

[Carole Hanson]

In response to Cleo, I’ve also never seen it happen but I’ve heard of instances a long time ago. Cleo’s advice is definitely very very good, the admin team will definitely be able to investigate and they will see that the appropriate action is taken. I would suggest in situations like that you take screen caps of any conversations with said player, it helps the team massively especially since after a certain time messages disappear.

I’m pretty shocked by that though, a lot of stuff I see is helpful advice and quite the opposite, players offering up horses for free to new and newish players.

[Shannon Hunt]

Since I apparently can't take a hint from my own exhausted brain and actually go to bed, I also want to add that I think it's commendable that people are willing to be open about their personal frame of mind or disabilities. NOBODY is obligated to tell others about their level of function or personal struggles, but it helps foster understanding when the awareness is there.

[Carole Hanson]

Yes I agree with you Shannon. Excellent post from you Rochelle, and I think it’s very brave of you to share your personal struggles.

[Jack Ryder]

I don't think any of the players do anything here with Malicious intent. Different people have different ways of communication, few people are good at this conversation thing and can talk like they knew you for ages and send essays in reply, some people for the sake of their life don't know how to react or talk. I know because I do the same, a good friend of mine send me a good amount of messages every week talking about their triumphs and I am genuinely happy for them but the reply I can muster is just "Nice" and "Awesome". I am sure some people use humor to communicate and text doesn't do justice to humor a lot of time. So what they say can be perceived wrong.
If you think someone has crossed a line or is harassing you, try to speak with them and clear the air and if you think you cannot do that try to ask a friend to do it so in future the other person knows that what he/she is doing is not okay with the other person.

[Rebecca Rose Hepburn]

Hmm. In thinking about it more, as the shade is thinly veiled, I am always happen to clarify any of my actions either in this game or in this community. I don't feel the need to hide anything about my thoughts or feeling behind my previous actions, even if I'd do them differently. Almost 15 years in the game means I've seen a lot of 'behind the scenes' things and I am always happy to share my own experiences in any way that people would like. Just ask.

[Lily Wilkins]

I would like to jump into the conversation and just add that if anything I have ever said/done has upset anyone, please don't hesitate to reach out. I've actually had someone do that, and it was wonderful to be given the opportunity to apologize and make things right. I never want anyone to feel like they can't talk to me.

The SIM is an interesting one.
I have played a lot of online multiplayer things over the years, and I would be lying if I said that this community isn't one of the more challenging ones to navigate, in my experience. I can't exactly put my finger on "why", either... It just.. Is. I stay off the forums if I'm having an emotionally fragile day, because there's lots of slightly abrasive, dry senses of humor on here. I tend to have a dark/dry sense of humor myself, but I rarely express it through written words because I think it could be misread. I would like to think that most of the issues encountered here are due to things simply being "misread" but I also think that there's some true bullying and cruelty that's gone on. Hopefully this big conversation we are all having helps.

I also would like to extend my hand and welcome anyone needing support (with real life or the SIM) to reach out to me. Things in the world are awful right now and I am here for all of you.

[Art K Stables]

so the answer is yes, its anonymous on purpose.. Thanks Em
sorry about the twitter thing, but yes I do feel better

[Kelly Haggerty]

I do want to add that bullying can come in different forms. It can come in ill-advised "jokes" or straight-up malicious comments, but it can also come in the form of ghosting/cold-shouldering. Nobody is obligated to talk to somebody they don't want to talk to, don't get me wrong. I don't visit the chat much because there's rarely been anybody in there when I look, it's a time zone thing (also because I was extremely shy as a newbie and it took a long time to even dare visit the chat). However, I have in my early days had multiple chat experiences where veteran players were talking away and completely ignored you (the new person) unless you asked a direct, specific question. Attempts to contribute to the conversation were glossed over and ignored. I have seen this happen to others as well while scrolling back in conversations when I've hopped on in hopes of someone being around. I have vivid memories of the people who did respond and act like it was fun to see me in chat, because it was such a stark contrast to those who did not. This happens in PMs as well - many players will answer a message, politely and pleasantly, and I've had some lovely interactions. But I've also had some not respond at all, not even just to tell me "no" (which I've always made clear I'm very open to as a response in messages). It made me feel like I was a nuisance, of no interest if I wasn't already part of the club.

I hear talk about this being a very benevolent and helpful community, especially to newbies, and I have seen this in some ways and especially if someone manages to hit the right people online in chat. But I've also seen the opposite. Hit and miss.

Nobody is obligated to talk to someone else. But a small response can make a huge difference to a shy newbie finally dipping their toes into the social interactions of the game. Just a little food for thought.

But one thing I will say about your post Shannon is that it suggests that the players here want new players to join the game, to feel comfortable, and to have a good experience and stick around. The nice ones do, but there is a group here that does not and has said so. So not all of the behavior is pointless, I think some really do want to chase off newbies.

Kelly, I know exactly what interaction you're talking about and feel the need to clarify that I was using sarcasm at the time I posted that. I in no way do not want new players here and I think that goes for really everyone. Myself and many others like to share our knowledge with new players there just has been more butting of heads lately between newbies and vets and hopefully that can change.

Actually you weren't one of the people I had in mind. Which just goes to show....

[Amy Bahama]

LOl Art. .

[Amy Bahama]

I think perhaps the disorder the person has could also cause them to interpret written messages as bullying when in fact they aren't. I mean it's not ok to sit here and beat up on someone or name call or make fun of them, but it is ok to have conflicting view points and express them. So I guess it goes both ways, don't take everything you read here so seriously, dial it in a little and don't be an * to others. Win win.

I just wanted to add that I also have the same problem of reading too much into things and it took walking away and reevaluating myself to get over it, also lots of meds LOL. I wasn't saying that as a derogatory statement.

[Brad Fabman]

All this apologising is getting boring just get on with what u came here for in the first place.......playing a fake game.

This game is fake? Why didn't I know this before?

[Stormy Peak]

I've been reading these posts all day too....wondering if I should speak up...and decided I would.

It's one thing to have an off day and say something a little snarky, or even out right rude to someone. I think all of us at one point or another has done that...had a bad day and then take it out on someone else. I also think most long term posters here can see when a person is out of character like that, and brush it off with an eye roll, but not really feel bullied by what was said.

It's quite another thing to follow a person from post to post...saying rude things to them, or about their horse or stable...which has been happening to me for some months now by a couple of players.
I don't find it funny.

It takes away a lot of the enjoyment I am having with the game and in this particular instance, my horse.
I find their comments to be mean spirited, and not 'fun jabs' -- and yes, it does feel like bullying to me.

And... I will not be at all surprised if they try to turn the tables here to justify their posts...by victim blaming, saying I brought it onto myself for posting about a horse I am obviously having a lot of fun with and one I'll probably never see the likes of again.
So yeah...I am enjoying this point in time in the Sim... it's been 15 real years of playing to finally experience such a success in my stable.

What I don't understand, is why some people find it so fun to taunt someone - to repeatedly do things to make them feel bad, when that person has never done anything mean to them. ???

If they don't like the way I run my stable, or my horses, or how much I talk about them, fine and they wish to tell me... fine. Nothing wrong with that. But it didn't stop there. I feel like I've been tagged teamed by them...if one doesn't post something hurtful, the other one will. If you don't like me or my horse(s)...just ignore my posts and leave me be...let me play and post what I want, let me enjoy the fun I'm having and not make me feel bad - or like I'm in the wrong for doing so.

I was actually appalled earlier to go into someone else's post, and see my name and my mare's name being disrespected by misspelling a part of the other person's horse's name...into a word that is slang for a *...and then suggesting I should use that word in variations for a foal's name if my mare and the poster's horse were bred.

They both know and calculate how to say things to make me feel bad...or to get a rise out of me.
I'll admit...you managed to do both, just fine.

Now that you know for sure you succeeded - go have yourselves that beer and celebrate.

Stormy (Roughian's owner)

[Nini Panini]

I don’t ever want my presence, actions, or words to ever alienate someone. If they ever have before, I apologize from the deepest part of my heart. I have always wanted to be an ally to every member of the SIM, whether or not I disagree with them, or even like them. I have failed in this and have met it with shortcomings. I appreciate RRH for putting it so bluntly earlier in the thread. I appreciate the wake up call, and will always try my best to do whatever I can for every simster in the future, whether that is in public or behind closed doors. The game is meant to be a joyful one, and I hope to still contribute to what it is meant to be.

[Rochelle Bos]

Stormy (Roughian's owner)

First of all HUGE hugs. I though you were just shrugging it off like a champ.

I absolutely love your Roughian adventure. I was told a few months ago I might be being treated this way because my happy excited posts seem like bragging. Which let a ton of air out of my share-tank. Since then it definitely seems like when someone is having success(and/or fun) and want to tell the (SIM) world about it, some people react like it’s bragging or rubbing others’ noses in it.

I’ve thought numerous times about making a post for all my favourite things happening in my barn right now, and share it with anyone who will listen! But I haven’t built up the course because I haven’t wanted to deal with what you’ve been going through.

I’ve also thought about making a post where people can share babies they breed and explain what excites them about the foal! But again I feel like it would just be me getting SUPER excited about every baby I breed. I feel I have no one who really gets my excitement about every tiny thing. Some days I feel like I could burst if I can’t talk about something I did or that happened, which is part of the reason I made the Mini Brag post to keep me from exploding from SIM loneliness

I tangented and I’m sorry. I absolutely LOVE hearing people’s success stories. Dash losing in a photo finish (for the second time) behind Atahollan actually hurt a lot less after Pete posted in the Mini Brags thread about that being his fourth attempt at the Chimbo. I’m a SIM baby, and people’s success stories give me so much hope, at least on days that I’m not in a pit of despair about how there is no way I’ll be able to achieve X, Y, or Z

My meds have clearly worn off, and my first day at a new job with less than 5 hours of sleep has cause my brain to no longer be able to come to the point naturally...

Share your happy success stories. Or else.

Where’s my Luna Meme when I need it!