A month ago I contributed to some major forum drama and it had me so mad. Numerous people reached out and kept me from quitting but I had lost the love of the game a little bit which made everything just a little less fun. I've been plodding along, selling a bunch of horses (thank you buyers) and entering way less than normal. I had a family vacation a couple weeks ago and that helped put things in perspective a little more in that the SIM is just a game and I shouldn't take it so seriously.
Fast forward to Wednesday of last week and my dad calls with the news that my sister shot herself. I could tell he was upset and obviously nobody would joke about that but the first words out of my mouth were "you're not kidding, are you?" I wanted it to be a joke even though I knew it wasn't. That brief conversation will never leave my mind and I wish I could've had something better to say but I needed the assurance that this was real.
Like most brother/sister relationships, we fought a lot as kids and didn't become close until much later in life. Then we became each other's rock when it came to family stuff and there's always family stuff. Our parents are divorced and remarried and while it's pretty cordial most of the time we still only invite one or the other to events, we both have kids and anyone who has kids can tell you that comes with drama, and she had started going through a divorce about a year ago. I remember how surprised we all were when we first found out as they seemed like the fairy tale couple but they've been having problems for 20+ years that she always just put on a smile and hid from the world. Turns out we're both good at that. I really hate being around people but close friends are always so surprised when they hear that as I put on my people face and try to make everyone happy by being fun to be around. My wife always says I'd be a hermit if it weren't for her and that's the truth. All week I've felt like just driving away and being by myself but you gotta be strong you know. Strong for my mom and dad, strong for my wife, strong for my kids. They've all been so supportive and I love them so much but making those first phone calls was so hard. I needed to do it quick cuz I didn't want them to find out on facebook. Maybe that was a good thing since I didn't have time to process anything first.
But now I just have so much hate and anger in my heart, not towards my sister, but to those who have wronged her since she filed for divorce. Her husband who was hiding money and saying how he's going to fight for sole custody and turning the kids against her. The two different churches that turned her away. The first that she went to almost since they've been married sent her an email almost immediately asking what she'd like to do with her membership fee now that she filed and the second where she was getting counseling who told her that she shouldn't bring her new boyfriend to church since people there have met her husband during the time they were trying to work it out. Her daughter who also blamed her because divorce is a sin. Her best friend who turned her back on her because she's a sinner now. My sister was a very religious person (unlike me) and struggled mightily with these betrayals no matter how many times I told her God would want her to be happy. My mom and aunt who both maintained relationships with her husband after we knew it was officially over, just not in the courts. I know everyone is different but to me I could never understand that and neither could she. She's my sister and forever will be, her soon to be ex was dead to me. Regardless of who pulled the trigger, I know all these little things pushed her to it. So yeah, a lot of anger and hate and all of these people are around all the time with people comforting them and them posting on their facebook pages. I just want to lash out but I know I can't
I guess the point of all this, other than hoping to help myself recover a little more, is to point out how insignificant most things are. I'm sorry that I was involved in SIM drama and I'm sorry if I upset anyone by it. I feel dumb for getting upset about it. It all seems so silly now and hopefully if anything in the SIM or just in life is upsetting you, this can help put it in a different perspective.
In regards to my SIM life, I'm going to be taking a break for a bit. Could be a week just to get through the funeral and stuff. Could be longer. I'm certain I'll be back as I really do enjoy it here. I probably won't be able to stay away completely even during my break but entering just seems too trivial at the moment. Thanks for letting me vent on here though...I think it did help. Hope you have a great week
