Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Forum rules
Do not to post anything abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, or sexually-orientated.
Do not post anything negative about any player.
No advertising other games.
The management reserves the right to delete or lock threads and messages at any time.
Read the complete SIM rules and legal information.
Post Reply
User avatar
Lily Wilkins
Eclipse Champion
Posts: 1484
Joined: 12 years ago

Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Lily Wilkins »

I am in total shock. So, these people technically are not my in-laws because I am engaged to my man, not married. But we have a baby together, so at this point I just call his family my in-laws. We have always gotten along beautifully, and I have liked them. Until last night!
So, the world is nuts right now, and there's lots of stuff going around that is divisive. Stuff I don't want to get into here, so for the purpose of the story I'm going to leave it at this: I apparently posted something on my social media that my fiance's brother disagreed with.

That's totally cool. I have NO problem with people who think differently than I do, and I invite (and enjoy) thoughtful, civil discussions.
He completely JUMPED MY S***. Like, name calling, accusing me of "attacking Luke's whole family" (Luke is my fiance), Ect. I NEVER replied to any of his comments because I was in total shock. But my mother, bless her heart, tried to jump into the rant in a civil way, only to get completely berated, unfriended and blocked. Mind you, we have all shared holidays together and stuff... Like, this jerk KNOWS my mom.

When I finally got up the guts to reply, hoping to diffuse the situation, I found that he had also unfriended and blocked me.

There's a family reunion in a month and I'm honestly considering staying home with the baby and just letting Luke go. I can't stand these people. He made it a me vs them situation when he accused me of attacking the entire family. I legit had NO idea what their views/beliefs were, but I sure do now! And as a single outsider coming into the family, I now feel threatened, intimidated, and unwelcome.

Luke's brother still likes to smack talk his ex wife that he divorced 18 years ago and has a child with, in fact, they all like to smack talk her. I'm sure I have been talked about and that's what sparked his little rampage. Luke is completely NOT defending me, and is telling me to apologize and get over it. But, I don't think I can apologize to someone who came to MY page and attacked me publicly, and accused me of attacking a family that I AM A PART OF whose views I did not know about.


Anyone else here have monster-in-laws? I sure know now that I do!
“ 𝐴𝑧𝑒𝑙 πΈπ‘žπ‘’π‘–π‘›π‘’ β€›
Since Year 30
Proudly Standing

Equinox | TR/AWR | Leased Out Y66
Quinny | DR/DM | $20,000
✾ Visit our Nursery to view our floofy little future stars!
User avatar
Nick Gilmore
Hall of Fame
Posts: 5355
Joined: 16 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Nick Gilmore »

Be careful Lily, it’s a fine line between mental and physical abuse.
User avatar
Rochelle Bos
Hall of Fame
Posts: 3676
Joined: 5 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Rochelle Bos »

πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ

It’s awful that they are treating you that way! I’m sorry your guy isn’t sticking up for you? But good on you for sticking to your guns and not apologizing. Their behaviour is unacceptable, you have nothing to apologize for πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

The stories I could tell about my in-laws πŸ˜…
β™› KINGSWOOD β™›
Pensioner Program
β€’ Pension your 2yo or older horse
β€’ Ship your horse to any Kingswood Location
β€’ Sell your horse to Rochelle Bos for $0


Comparison is the thief of joy - Theodore Roosevelt
User avatar
Lily Wilkins
Eclipse Champion
Posts: 1484
Joined: 12 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Lily Wilkins »

Yea, it's nuts. I think my fiance and I are going to have to do holidays and stuff like we are divorced for a while... I can go to my mom's in Wisconsin and he can stay here and go to his family's, and we will alternate who has the kid for the holiday. I just can't be around them, not now.

Nick - I agree. And Luke's brother is a macho ex-military dude who thinks he's tough. He has no business talking to me, a woman half his age, the way he did. Quite frankly, I am afraid of him now.
“ 𝐴𝑧𝑒𝑙 πΈπ‘žπ‘’π‘–π‘›π‘’ β€›
Since Year 30
Proudly Standing

Equinox | TR/AWR | Leased Out Y66
Quinny | DR/DM | $20,000
✾ Visit our Nursery to view our floofy little future stars!
User avatar
Amy Bahama
Grade 2 Winner
Posts: 713
Joined: 18 years ago
Location: Crystal Spring, PA

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Amy Bahama »

My inlaws are fantastic. I adore them.

I wouldn't let social media come between a relationship with my family, my husbands family or anyone. I'd try the opposite approach and reach out to his brother and try to TALK not text, comment on social media or anything. Whether you think you are in the right or not, there is something to be said of being the bigger person and clarifying the situation. Tempers are hot a lot of issues. The key is to pick your battles. If you value your fiance and future marriage, you wouldn't start out on the wrong foot or on a schedule of avoidance. Nip it in the bud now because if you let it go, things will never be right.
Iron City Louisiana

Home to many quality stallions to meet all your racing needs for a reasonable fee.
User avatar
Amy Bahama
Grade 2 Winner
Posts: 713
Joined: 18 years ago
Location: Crystal Spring, PA

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Amy Bahama »

Also I have to say, did they not share any of their views on social media for you to not know? Obviously if you were all friends you had to get some sort of sense of where they fall on the scale unless you have them blocked. People will also take everything on social media personally whether you direct it at them or not. Perhaps they were posting opposite viewed things and you coincidentally posted another view and they felt passive aggressively attacked which is on them, not you. I would seriously, man up, suck it up, get over the fright of his brother and just say look man, I don't know what happened, but I wasn't aware of your feelings and this is being blown way out of proportion. Then just show up to everything as normal and things will be fine.
Iron City Louisiana

Home to many quality stallions to meet all your racing needs for a reasonable fee.
User avatar
Gigi Gofaster
Hall of Fame
Posts: 3365
Joined: 13 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Gigi Gofaster »

Sounds like it's early days and emotions may still be raw. Some time and talking may work it out. However, I've been through this where it wouldn't heal.

Poor Emily knows my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother in law. Now in my case, my husband saw what was happening and completely supported me - and still does - even though it's brought out the troubles in their own relationship. In my case there was no way my MIL was going to try to reconcile anything, and honestly once we settled on her and me just not interacting at all everything worked out just fine - even when we lived close to them. The downside is we have two amazing kids, and she threw away any chance at having any kind of relationship with them. They are 16 and 20 now, and they are just fine with not knowing her, but my MIL really missed out. Much of that was on her - she let her dislike of me stop her from spending time with them even though I absolutely made it clear I would totally support that, but she just couldn't get past how much she hated me even for her grandkids. It's her loss, but it bothers me because my kids are truly remarkable and I wish she'd been able to enjoy that. She's lost them forever now. Since there is a grandkid involved here, and thinking of my own experience, even if you can't reconcile with the family maybe there are ways to establish a structure where your baby can stay in touch.
"I was afraid of Gigi, it was true." Oh yes. Be afraid. Be very afraid...
"Gigi, you continue to impress the heck out of me." - The Steward. Okay, it was 10 RL years ago, but I'm keeping it.
User avatar
Lily Wilkins
Eclipse Champion
Posts: 1484
Joined: 12 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Lily Wilkins »

Amy Bahama wrote: ↑3 years ago Also I have to say, did they not share any of their views on social media for you to not know? Obviously if you were all friends you had to get some sort of sense of where they fall on the scale unless you have them blocked. People will also take everything on social media personally whether you direct it at them or not. Perhaps they were posting opposite viewed things and you coincidentally posted another view and they felt passive aggressively attacked which is on them, not you. I would seriously, man up, suck it up, get over the fright of his brother and just say look man, I don't know what happened, but I wasn't aware of your feelings and this is being blown way out of proportion. Then just show up to everything as normal and things will be fine.
That's fair, and good advice. They're relatively quiet about tricky subjects both on social media, and in person. Something I posted, even if it wasn't aimed at them, clearly was offensive and I do have to own that. Luke says that doesn't seem like his brother last night and that maybe something else was going on in his brother's life that prompted the harsh reaction. We're going to talk to him and try to come to an understanding so we can be civil.
“ 𝐴𝑧𝑒𝑙 πΈπ‘žπ‘’π‘–π‘›π‘’ β€›
Since Year 30
Proudly Standing

Equinox | TR/AWR | Leased Out Y66
Quinny | DR/DM | $20,000
✾ Visit our Nursery to view our floofy little future stars!
User avatar
Lily Wilkins
Eclipse Champion
Posts: 1484
Joined: 12 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Lily Wilkins »

Gigi Gofaster wrote: ↑3 years ago Sounds like it's early days and emotions may still be raw. Some time and talking may work it out. However, I've been through this where it wouldn't heal.

Poor Emily knows my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother in law. Now in my case, my husband saw what was happening and completely supported me - and still does - even though it's brought out the troubles in their own relationship. In my case there was no way my MIL was going to try to reconcile anything, and honestly once we settled on her and me just not interacting at all everything worked out just fine - even when we lived close to them. The downside is we have two amazing kids, and she threw away any chance at having any kind of relationship with them. They are 16 and 20 now, and they are just fine with not knowing her, but my MIL really missed out. Much of that was on her - she let her dislike of me stop her from spending time with them even though I absolutely made it clear I would totally support that, but she just couldn't get past how much she hated me even for her grandkids. It's her loss, but it bothers me because my kids are truly remarkable and I wish she'd been able to enjoy that. She's lost them forever now. Since there is a grandkid involved here, and thinking of my own experience, even if you can't reconcile with the family maybe there are ways to establish a structure where your baby can stay in touch.
Thank you for sharing your story and giving the situation some insight, Gigi, you have an excellent point. I would hate to have Luke's family miss out on getting to know our son, especially over something as dumb as a social media interaction. Up until last night, things with them were always excellent. My emotions are definitely running high right now simply because of having a baby and everything going on in the world, so I'm having a harder time getting over it than I normally would. As nervous as it makes me to talk to him, I need to. I think i'm going to have Luke help me with that in a couple of days.
I'm so sorry to hear about the situation with your Mother In-Law, that is really unfortunate.
“ 𝐴𝑧𝑒𝑙 πΈπ‘žπ‘’π‘–π‘›π‘’ β€›
Since Year 30
Proudly Standing

Equinox | TR/AWR | Leased Out Y66
Quinny | DR/DM | $20,000
✾ Visit our Nursery to view our floofy little future stars!
User avatar
The Harlequins
Eclipse Champion
Posts: 1511
Joined: 4 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by The Harlequins »

Face to face is needed here Lily,

Good luck
The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.
Noel Collins
Derby Contender
Posts: 217
Joined: 5 years ago

Re: Atrocious In-Laws, Anyone?

Post by Noel Collins »

Dang. In-laws.

If my husbands mom hadn’t passed away while we were still dating I’m not sure if I would have married him. She was a bit of a nightmare and he was a crazy mamas boy who’s mom could do no harm. She was umwordless.
She would not have agreed with how I refuse to baby him. She would have made life hellish for me. She peed in his ex wife’s mixing bowls for not getting out of the bathroom quick enough. We went camping with her once and she complained and drunk screeched the whole time. Hell she was drunk the whole time. I’m not sure if I ever saw her sober or without a cigarette in one hand. She even brought six packs in a cooler with her when she stopped by.
Needless to say she was an alcoholic who had a massive heart attack after not having drank a beer for a coup,e days. Her system went nuts.
The good thing was she loved him. I really wish she would have not taught hi to e afraid of leftovers though.
Post Reply