Behavior in a Cafe...was I right or wrong?

[Stormy Peak]

A sister in law asked me to go to brunch with her.

We went to a cafe, and were promptly served the coffee we asked for. And there was a bowl of small 1/2 @ 1/2 containers, and the coffee mugs were pretty large, and between the 2 of us, we used up most of the containers. This place cooks home-made style food, so biscuits are made from scratch, as are pancakes...no pre-mixed stuff. So we have a tiny bit longer wait than in places that just add water to some mix to make a pancake mix.

My sis-in-law downed her coffee, and got a refill pretty quick. She realized there were only 2 of those small 1/2@ 1/2 containers left after the waitress walked away. She complains about not having enough cream for her coffee. I told her the waitress should be walking by again soon, and we could ask her for more creamer.

But my sister in law is an Impatient person! She makes a comment that she didn't want her coffee getting cold.

I said, "are there any empty tables, we could 'steal' some creamer from?" and I turned to see if there were any empty tables I could get up and take a bowl of creamer off of...all the tables were occupied.

My sister in law has some neck pain -- me, I have a lot of severe back pain...but I just push through it if I need to get something done. She won't...she will ask me or others to do things for her.

There was one table with a man sitting at it, his back to us, and he was in the middle of his breakfast, and sis-in-law tells me.. "Go get the one at his table, he's not using them"

I told her "No. I'm not going to disturb that man's breakfast, a waitress will be by here in a minute or two and she can get us another bowl of creamer."

My sister in law thought I was being silly because I wouldn't approach that man to disrupt his breakfast by asking for his bowl of creamer. Her excuse for not doing it herself was that her neck hurt too much to move.

The waitress came by a minute later, with a bowl of creamers in her hand, because she did notice we were low on it when she poured the refill on my sister in law's coffee.

So...would you feel right about going up to someone who's eating breakfast and asking to take something off of their table?
Or
Am I just too old fashioned and think it's bad manners to disturb another diner with 'my problem' (or in this case my sis-in-law's problem)

I mentioned this brunch to a few of my friends...who are around my age (59 to 65 years old). They agree with me. But in talking with them, with a few people in their 20s to 30s there, the younger ones thought going up to the guy would have been ok.

The thing is, my sis in law, is 65 years old. So I don't think it's pure generational in nature...on what we consider good or bad manners.

I'm just curious about it....given there's only 6 years between me and my sis in law...but such a big difference in our outlook on this.

Stormy

[Carole Hanson]

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with courteously asking the man (although that depends on whether he looks busy or not), but I will say that your sister in law should be the one to do it herself if she wants the creamer so bad that she can’t wait for the waitress to come by.

[Louise Bayou]

I don't see anything wrong with asking the man if he wasn't in a convo or working. BUT that being said, your sister in law needs to know people are not her servants! You are not at her beck and call for goodness sakes. If she thinks coffee is that important she should have asked the waitress when she was seated to bring more. And this is coming from a person who brings extra k cups, creamer and splenda when I travel. LOL

[LA Pepper]

How did your sis-in-law get into the diner with her sore neck, if she couldn't get up to ask the gentleman herself ?

[Gwayne's World]

Let the waitress do her job.
And tip accordingly!

[Stormy Peak]

The man at the other table, had his back to me, but I got the impression that while he was eating, he was also looking at his phone.

I just felt that, at that point, it would be wrong to interrupt his breakfast, and/or if he was reading things on his phone, it would be wrong to interrupt him for that reason too. This, especially since my sister in law suggested getting his bowl of creamer when it hadn't even been a minute and a half since the waitress walked away, and up to that point, she had been by our table about every 3 minutes or so, and I didn't think that big mug of coffee was going to cool down that fast.

My sister in law...walks like Tim Conway's 'old man' if any of you recall that character...lol. And she truly is a demanding customer - it's always something with her when we go to brunch...or dinner. I can't afford such things, but she feels like she deserves a once a week breakfast/brunch outing and about 2 times a year, a dinner at one of our nicer restaurants. My brother doesn't really like dining out, so she asks me to go.

She says she can't drive at night, so I end up having to go get her. (this results in 24 miles of driving for me, to get her, go to the restaurant which is only 1/2 a mile from my house, then to take her home and go back to my home). But I get a good dinner out of it.

But yeah, she has almost a fit if things are done 'right now' in a cafe or restaurant. We went to dinner one time, were escorted to our table (and it was busy in there). Her butt barely hit the seat and she goes "Where are our silverware? We don't have any silverware... how do they expect us to eat.' And she looks over at another table where some folks were just sitting at, and she says "They have silverware!"

I was mortified because she was saying it in a Loud voice. I told her "Just chill, geesh, they haven't even brought us the menus yet, and they probably just cleared this table before we stepped in...give them a chance...they are Not going to make us eat with our fingers."

Her reply was "Well then they should have made us wait another minute and then sat us down at a table that was presentable, looking ready with the silverware"

It was that same impatience I was dealing with in the cafe, so that probably too, played into my refusal to go bother that man, when to me, coffee creamer wasn't a big deal, and we hadn't hardly even waited for the waitress. But above all that, I still didn't think it would be good manners to disturb that guy. Now if we had spilled coffee and ran out of napkins, I would have definitely asked the man if I could take some from his table.

I also like to gather up all the plates and bowls and stack them after we eat, put the silverware on that, plus put all the napkins, and used containers of creamer on the stack too, so that it's ready for the waitress to pick up. My sis in law, has a few times asked me if I was trying to get a job bussing the table. I would tell her no, I'm just trying to save the waitress a little time. And too.. my sis in law...rarely says please or thank you to the waitresses/waiters. She just belts out what she wants and behaves like the waiter isn't even there when they come with our food.

She has started to say thanks and please, though, because I do...and she finally noticed.

Stormy

[Kelly Haggerty]

Courtesy and gratitude are always appropriate, way to go!